Friday, November 7, 2008

I'm Still Here

Just wanted everyone to know that I am still here and surviving.

I am very jaded and quit all therapy and meds this week.


Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Rolling In Pain

I cry nearly all day every day
I roll around in pain
I get sick to my stomach
I drip in sweat
I can't control my thoughts
I ache all over
I can't sleep right
I can't eat
I'm dizzy
I'm sad
I am damaged
... and I'm alone

Times like these really make me question our existence. Why are we here? Do other people really go through life without breaking down every few hours? Do other people really go through life without feeling like they have a rock in their stomach? I can't even fathom the pleasure that must must be.

I'm not religious, but last week I dropped to my knees and prayed. I am too weak to go this alone... but alone is all I have. I live in a small one-room apartment. I sit here with too much time every day and go stir crazy. But I am stuck. I have no outlet at all.. like doing social activities, is just too much to handle. It's a weird feeling. Basically I am isolated and hate it, but don't have the strength to change it.

... It was never supposed to turn out like this.