I get very envious and down during the holiday season because I don't have anyone special to spend time with. I have really alienated myself from those close to me, and the result is loneliness. I had nobody to shop for, and received a grand total of zero gifts. Not that I care about gifts or material things, but it would have been nice to know someone was thinking of me.. a card.. a note.. something... or that I had someone to shop for.
But it is hard. It is a weird feeling of ambivalence. Part of me needs to reach out to other people so I don't feel so alone. Part of me wants to hole up and hide from the world.
I just feel like I have no outlet whatsoever. I am going to therapy and just found a new doctor for meds, so hopefully some help is on the way. But in the meantime, it would feel really good to have someone to talk to.
I wish everyone happy holidays.. and hope they are better than mine.